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Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Sardar Jokes...

They say, SMILE Costs nothing. But in this generation people are much concerned about work, work and work.And they are slowly forgetting how to SMILE...I hope this post would bring a small curve in their face ....So lets get started with Sardars :)

Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath plumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
arey yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leage ho gaya.


interviewee : wat z ur date of birth?
sardar : nov 28.
interviewer : which year?
sardar : abey ullu everyyear.

2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl, he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

ek sradar sochta raha...sochta raha... sochta raha... saari zindagi sochta raha aur sochtay sochtay hi mar gaya k meri behan k 3 bhai hain tau mere 2 kyoun????

In aptitude testRiver Kaveri is in which state?Sardar: liquid state.

Sardar Get Engaged with girl, soon he came 2 know she had no affair b4, he broken the relation every 1 asked the reason! He said"JO KISI OR KI NA HO SAKI WOH MERI KIA HOGI"

What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

2sardars go for a drive. . . . "OYE zara khidki ke bahar dekhi indicators working or not". . . sardar puts his head out & says yes..No..Yes..No..Yes..No..

Sardar apni GirlFriend ko i love u kehta aur gir jata.I love u kehta aur fir gir jata.
Girl: ye Kya kar rahe ho Sardar: i m falling in love.

A sardar saw a board on which it was written " padhne wala stupid".
Sardar got irritated and wrote "likhan wala stupid"

Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 main nahi kha saktha.

Sardar to Girlfriend : Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai. Girlfriend : Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai.
Sardar : 1 biwi aur 3 bacche

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....

Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?
Sardar angrily said, i know -it means....
S - Sardaron ke
M - Mazak udane ki
S - Service

Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phirproblem hogi.

Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -
Saala wanted tha, tho photo kheenchne ke baad use jaanekyon diya ?

in an interview,
interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr..
Interviewr shouts: stop it !
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup..

Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends. I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.

Sardar ji Aapko logo ne kyun mara ?
Sardar "yaar Meri Photo Bus main Gir Gayi To Maine Madam Se Kaha Zara Sadi Upar Karo Photo Lena Hai".

Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan shadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai is per sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware'
Teacher: What?Sardar:
His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

Ek sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race."What the guys are doing" asked the sardar." We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner."Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?""Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.

Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain."I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman."Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman"I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied."Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again."I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and bothapplicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"

A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares atthe question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takeshis wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking theanswer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is alldone whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last fewminutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. Themoderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished theexam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers "

Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?They think their picture is being taken.

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running into his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was inpanic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his officewindow. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered that he was not married.When he was about to hit the groundhe remembered he was not Santa Singh.

Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said ..."I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.
He asks one man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here"? Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here"? Man Replies 10.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here"? Man Replies 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, "NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"

Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, kihoya?" (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaatehain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Monday, 20 August 2007

Exclusive Chak De India Review....

1982 Asian Games – New Delhi.
This is one very important year in the history of India. India got a chance of hosting a prestigious sporting event for the 2nd time. We'll cut short to the final of Men’s hockey tournament. India Vs Pakistan. India has come in to the final by winning the previous 5 matches and by conceding just 4 goals and scoring 44 goals. But we lost the final 1-7 to Pakistan. The match will be mostly remembered for one goal keeper – Mr. Ranjan Negi who was accused of match fixing and termed as traitor by the media for loosing such a prestigious final at a time when India-Pak relations were not at their best. It took him 16 years to regain lost pride when he coached the Indian Team back to winning the gold medal in the 1998 Asian Games and the Indian Women’s hockey team, gold medal in the 2002 Commonwealth Games. The story of Chak De India takes inspiration from Negi’s life.

This movie comes as a breath of fresh air to Bollywood. This movie is for every Indian. A tale
of Indian patriotism. It's a movie for people who enjoy quality cinema. I never knew the a, b,
c’ of Hockey and now, I love this sport and look forward to watching more of it. In a country
like India where inspite of hockey being the national sport, cricket is given importance this
movie is an eye opener. The much neglected women’s hockey is highlighted. The movie inspires
and makes you feel that nothing is impossible. The movie has a very good storyline and a rather
different one compared to the usual bollywood movie settings. In this, you won't find actors
moving around trees in colourful foreign locales as in many other yash raj movies. If there is
love, it is completely for the game hockey. The movie is about the sport. About the attitude, neglect and irreverence we have against the national game. It’s about team spirit. About how in one way or the other, one CAN bring out the best out of ANYBODY. It is about making a dream, an idea, into a reality. It’s about human nature. About how a rumour, if talked about over & over again, DOES become a reality. It is about how a perception about a reality can be changed.
It’s about regional & religious biases we have, which invariably reflect in everyday
interactions. It’s about the ownership & pride of being an Indian. It’s about gender biases. Where women are expected to leave behind their passions & careers to pursue marriages.
And above all, it’s about how a woman CAN do what she WANTS TO DO despite all odds.
The best dialogue of the movie is where SRK says that

to win, the strength doesn’t matter, what matters is the attitude!

That’s the basis of the whole story line. After all- IT IS IN THE ATTITUDE!

There have been quite a few movies with Sports as a theme made in India. There was cricket in
Lagaan. There was cycle racing in Jo Jeeta wohi sikandar. There was boxing in Apne. and there
was racing in Tararumpum. But never has there been a hard core movie made only on sports with no unnecessary romantic songs or hi-fi visual effects. That’s the biggest plus point of the
movie. The movie is very well researched and I did not find too many flaws in the movie. All
the characters are given a good share of screen time and not a single character is wasted.
Shahrukh Khan has given a mind blowing performance and this is truly one of his very few good
acting roles. The movie is nearly 150 minutes long but crisp editing by Amitabh Shukla and top
class cinematography by Sudeep Chaterjee makes the film extremely fast paced. Unlike other typical bollywood movies this one really builds the Continuity & wont allow you to take your eye of the screen ! The other good thing is the lively soundtrack of this movie. Special Mention to the background score and whatever few songs are there, they are inspiring & full of attitude. The
treatment and the script make sure it comes as close to getting 5 stars as possible. One scene
which, according to me, should get the scene of the year award is the fight scene at the
restaurant. This one is brilliantly executed scene. If there had been a rating done for the top
10 scenes in the history of Hindi Cinema, this one would surely come in the top 10.

The main reason which makes the film work

Screenplay : The movie never looses its focus. It’s a sports film, based on hockey and it
remains that only. In fact the 2nd half of the movie is pure and perfect hockey.

SHAHRUKH KHAN : I must say he is out of the world in this movie…..his portrayal of a wronged man, a hard and determined coach has no parallels. Shahrukh Khan is not Shahrukh Khan in this movie, he is Kabir Khan and you can read each and every emotion in his eyes, success, failure , hurt, disappointment everything. Absolutely a stunning performance. I would love to see him in many more movies doing such kind of roles. I have always been a die hard SRK fan and have always liked him in movies(baazigar,ddlj,kkhh,k3g,and DON) and trust me he is fantastic,marvelous and tremendous in this movie as he brings out patriotism in us without being preachy.

Shimit Amin : the director has done a damn good job. He has not followed the routine
hero, heroine, villain trademark; the subject itself is as different as it can be. I can
confidently say that in India we have never seen such a focused sports movie (Probably the best
sports based film ever made in India). He has a complete grip on movie and that’s visible
throughout. Getting such a different performance from SRK itself is great.

The Entire Second Half of the movie is fascinating and trust me you wouldn’t want to leave the
screen even for a second. The matches have been shot as professionally as the real matches.

The movie talks about a very relevant issue ‘Women in Sports’. It tackles the feminist issue
very maturely. It shows the reality of the position women (atleast in sports) in India. and
leaves you with a message “Its not the strength that matters to win, its the attitude that

The movie brings into the focus the present situation of Hockey in India. The bias towards
Cricket is presented beautifully, but the way it is shown leads to few controversies. Its shows very clearly that what part media plays in making or breaking a person. How one innocent action is presented wrongly and hype gets created and spoils the reputation of a sincere sportsman. And the same media takes him back when wins the trophy for us. Shouldn’t media apologize for its immature behavior?

I have never seen a movie tackle so many important issues like regionalism, female position in
society, position of muslims, media role, sports in our country, unity, patriotism and all of
them are handled neatly.

After watching this movie, you would feel proud to be an indian. Let me tell you one incident, when I and my friends were watching this movie in bangalore, the people in the hall stood up and were clapping after the final match between India vs Australia. I think, Thats the best response a director, actors, and the technicians who worked for the movie could ever get.
In all, I would recommend the movie, especially to all SRK-haters. It’s a good watch, & coming
around Independence Day, it’s the perfect thing to do! With India celebrating 60 years of
Independence this year this is one movie i recommend every Indian must see. It will surely
give you that much needed kick of Patriotism & Sportsmanship which i think is necessary for
every person.. ..Thank You.

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